Just about one month ago, my life was upended with a major, unexpected life change that was not in my control. Basically, my husband made the decision to retire rather than continue with a major change at his employer. Now, I knew this was coming soon as he had started to discuss it and wonder about when the best time was to retire. I expected there would be more time to adjust and plan for this event, but it was completely outside my control. I acted as a sounding board for him and provided my opinions and thoughts for his decision-making process. However, he was the one who had to make the decision that served him best. He has been overjoyed with this decision and has no regrets.
I ended up with mixed feelings. Extremely happy for him, but leery about the impact this change would have on me. As virtually anyone can tell you, major changes often derail people's healthy lifestyle habits. Just look at the success rate of New Year's Reservations! People are notorious for starting out with good intentions and then fall off the wagon later. So, I knew I had my work cut out for me to stay on track. How did I tackle this? How am I faring so far?
- The biggest obstacle was the impact on morning routines. Having him home, caused every day to feel like a Saturday morning routine to both of us. On Saturday mornings, I do not participate in my morning fitness routines, do not set an alarm clock to get up early, don't do my spiritual practices until midday, and don't do household chores. Instead, we typically watch morning news podcasts, sip hot beverages together, and eat a late brunch.
- The next obstacle was the impact on my remote job - online meetings, quiet analysis times, spending adequate time to complete tasks.
- The third obstacle was wake-up time and bedtimes. Weekend routines and daily routines for these were vastly different for both of us. Alarms? No alarms? What time to shut everything down and prepare for bed?
- The fourth obstacle was income changes from full-time employed to retired.
- I had to reframe this event in my mind as a challenge, an adventure, an opportunity to calm fears and anxieties. I know a lot of couples whose marriage did poorly once retirement age hit, empty nest, etc. I'm trying to avoid that. Living in fear and anxiety is a problem.
- We had to communicate our individual needs and daily goals then adjust our individual routines to accommodate these. This took me several weeks to broach the subject and try to address. We now try to discuss the night before and early morning what each of us need to achieve and specific appointment times that day.
- We had to experiment and try different arrangements to see what works best - different locations, different times, doing things together or separately.
- We had to prioritize and be willing to discuss calmly and compromise on some items.
- We had to understand our values and emotions to make decisions and understand the other person's concerns and priorities.
- I successfully kept up my morning fitness routine after the first week of some bumps.
- Sometimes household chores get delayed longer than I would have waited for retirement. Subsequently, the podcasts I used to listen to are delayed or done at different times with my husband. I am still working on this one.
- The work performance is almost there. I sometimes let his presence during the day make me procrastinate at work. However, I haven't had any major misses yet. This is still a work in progress.
- We mostly agree on good bedtimes and wake up times. After two weeks off, my husband seems to not need to sleep in anymore and respects my need to stay on working schedule for morning commitments.
- We now talk about money a lot more than we used to do when both of us were working full-time. This is a plus. We realize that there is less cushion for mistakes or waste and mostly have the same financial goals.
- As other stressors came in from work and family issues, I did notice an increase in frequency of symptoms and severity, but I can identify the causes as stress. I am very conscious to take good care of myself now to try to minimize this.
How do you handle major disturbances in life? If you need help navigating these to achieve your health goals, I am here to be your accountability partner and guide. Contact me to learn more.